How Do You Want to Feel This Year?
This is a book review. Or a book recommendation, really. It is for Danielle LaPorte’s The Desire Map.
I’d been eying (ok don’t you think it should be eyeing?) this thing for a year. At first I didn’t buy it because it seemed everyone in my online world was buying it and I eschew a trend. And early on it was spendy as it came as part of a package of products. And I’m very wary about anything that smells like new age rhetoric. And then there was the giant stack of books next to my bed that I didn’t seem to be getting to. But on the other hand, I’ve seen and enjoyed the lovely Miss LaPorte speaking, I really liked her other book Fire Starter Sessions, and we even have mutual friends. Shouldn’t I order it? Long story short, I didn’t. Until a few weeks ago.
I gave in- mostly because I’m working on not cutting off my nose to spite my face – and ordered the book from Barnes and Noble as it would be a week before Amazon was shipping. Then I promptly went to her site and downloaded the MP3s. Perhaps redundant but I had some free time the next day and once I get something in my head, well, that’s another blog post.
Curling up with a cup of tea and my headphones that night it became clear that buying the MP3s was not redundant at all. And I had, indeed, almost missed out on something fabulous. Slowing down enough to listen instead of read allowed me to dig in to the material more from my heart and less from my head. Closing my eyes and being in the work was right for me. I started to do the exercises she recommended. Yes a little ‘new-agey’ but also at the same time, not. Not at all. I listened to her ideas, most things I already ‘knew’ but wrapped in a different package it just all hit home in a new way. Here’s the premise: if you can identify your core desired feelings (CDFs), or how you want to feel on a day to day basis then you can better assess what you should do on a daily basis. You have a litmus test for every single decision. Are you heading toward your core desired feelings or away from them?
I’ve done many goal setting type classes in my day, and I love goals. I love setting my sights on something and accomplishing it. I love the feeling of crossing something off of my list. As I’m
aging maturing, I no longer get tied up about whether I actually accomplish my goals or not. I don’t make New Year’s resolutions, I focus on themes. I change course when a course needs changing, and I give myself leeway when life gets in the way. I thought I had this shit down.
But what I found is this:
The Desire Map adds a dimension to goal setting that is a complete game changer.
Simply put, making decisions on a day-to-day basis that line up with how I want to feel, and making this part of my big picture plan is helping me stay more settled and more at ease. It doesn’t mean that life isn’t throwing shit at me, or that I don’t have bad days. There is, however, a subtle shift in how I’m interacting with my world. I’m more present with my 7-year-old, as ‘fluid’ is one of my CDFs and I’m so much less likely to get irritable or short with him if I’m rolling with things a bit more. I mean, there’s no real problem if my kid spends 5 extra minutes messing with his Pokemon cards before dinner. I could go on and on here but the point is that I highly recommend checking it out. You’ll be amazed to find how much easier it is to commit to yourself and your life when you’re clear about how you want to feel.